Memorable Interview with Fifty Cent

ME: Yo Fiddy, what’s up? How you doing man?

FIDDY: Nïggâ, I’m cool.

ME: So what’s up? Is it true? Guess you know wham talkin’ 'bout?

FIDDY: Man, this shït is tough.

ME: Nïggâ, it’s all over the news. So tell me, what really happened? Bad investment? Or what…? Oh man, what the fück really happened to you, nïggâ?

FIDDY: Oh man, the shït you heard is true!

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ME: Damn it!

FIDDY: Yeah, dammït! But you know what? Shït can happen. I don’t really wanna talk ‘bout it right now but yeah, shït do happen!

ME: Yeah, but this is really bad news. So how are you taking it?

FIDDY: Well, It’s nothing much. It’s normal. And Imma take it like a man. Sometimes in a man’s life, it gets to a point where he reorganizes his finances and positions himself for greater things.

ME:Yeah right. Truth is, I didn’t believe it—or rather, didn’t want to believe it—when I heard it. I’ve come to see you as the real deal. A natural born hustla. So I told myself it can’t happen to you. Never! Sorry to say it, but when this news broke out, I thought you were on one of those stunts of yo’rs.

FIDDY: Really? 

ME: Yeah.

FIDDY: Well, this ain’t no stunts. Shït is real.

ME: Man, this is so fücking bad news. So fückïng upsetting to me. I’m your number one fan. And I guess, so many of your fans out there share the same feeling.

FIDDY: Don’t take it hard. The Kid ain’t goin’ nowhere! It’s just a matter of time and guess who’s back?!

ME: Yeah. But the shït is in this game, you guys diss each other. A lot. I remember you and Ja, the Game, You and Kanye, You and Mayweather, You and Fat Jo, you and yo’r homeboy Buck, You and Ricky, even  the big man  Jay himself. Oh man, looks like you got so much beef going on!

FIDDY: Yeah, sure. I guess I do!

ME: So how will these guys react to this news? Think these guys gonna have the last laugh now?

FIDDY: The last laugh? Ha ha ha! First of all, remove that püssy Ja from that list please! Ha ha ha! Tell you what, Fiddy fear no man, no warrior! When you got hit 9 times, you learn to fear nothing!

ME:Wow! Awesome! I love that!

FIDDY: Yeah, you should.

ME: I don’t know how true but you was once quoted as saying you bought Tyson’s house just to remind yo’rself that what happened to the guy wouldn’t happen to you?

FIDDY: Yeah?

ME: So how about that now?

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FIDDY: Nïggâ, I’m still on course. It ain’t never gonna happen to me. Tyson’s Tyson. Fiddy’s Fiddy. Fiddy is all about Get Rich or die tryin’!

ME: Wow! Well, there’s one question we yo’r fans will really like to know…?

FIDDY: What…?

ME: Well, I know it’s not really my biz, but why, I mean, why on earth did you release that sēxtape? Guess that’s where all yo’r probs started from. Some say you should’ve released it anonymously. Some say it’s so fückïng childish for you to even have done that! I was like, man, what tha fück was you thinkin’?!

FIDDY: Ah, the tape! Ha ha ha! Now, wait a minute… you’ve seen it, right? Now, tell me the truth you loved it, right? Huh, huh? Don’t lie… don’t lie to me…? You do, right?

ME: Well… umm… let’s say I…!

FIDDY: Ha ha ha! I know you love it! Dammit, Imma still release more tapes. You said I was being childish, right? No, no, nah… nah… nah… like Pac said, any nïggâ who wanna bring it, bring it, but we bringin’ drama. Guess Ricky wanted to bring it. That means he also wanted the drama too. It’s all part of the game. It’s all good.

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ME: Alright. I like your strong spirit. Looking at you now, with you cool and confident smile; to tell you the truth, I’m still so tempted to think this whole bankrupty claim is still part of your usual drama. Am I right?

FIDDY: Oh man! I wish it was but it ain’t. 

ME: So how long do we expect before the kid is back? Any time frame? You know all of us your fans who really look up to you will really like to know this?

FIDDY: Ha ha ha! Guys, you’ve got nothing to worry, okay? I ain’t goin’ down. Trump once declared bankrupty. Today he’s running for the President!

ME: Yo! That’s wham talkin’ ‘bout! Fiddy for president!

FIDDY: Ha ha ha! Oh man, you funny!

ME:  Alright Fiddy. ‘Twas nice talking to you. Got some good news for your fans?  We expectin’ any album or movie from you soonest?

FIDDY: Well, that depends. As for now, I got to deal with these judges first.

ME: Alright man, good luck to you.

FIDDY: Yeah, guessI’ll be needin’ that, lots of it! Thanks man.

ME: Alright, bye. Until next time…


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