Choose your hell...

In hell, every country was represented with their own hell too. So when one very corrupt Nigerian politician died, he was immediately sent to hell.

On reaching there, he was told that he had the option of choosing whichever country’s hell he would like to stay in. So he demanded to be shown around and his guardian devil complied.

As he was being shown around, he first came to the American hell. He enquired about the activities and the type of treatment he would be receiving there.

His guardian devil said, “if you choose American hell, every morning, the American devil will come out by 8a.m. He will tie you to an electric chair so that you will be flogged thoroughly throughout the morning for four good hours. Then he would take you to a bed made of nails that are pointing upwards where you will lie upon until the next morning before bringing you out again for your next round of flogging the next morning…”

The Nigerian politician immediately said he was not going to stay in the American hell.

Next he was taken to the British hell. Once again he demanded to know what was going on there. His guardian angel said to him,” You see, if you choose British hell, every morning, the British devil will come out by 8a.m. He will tie you to an electric chair so that you will be flogged thoroughly throughout the morning for four good hours. Then he would take you to a bed made of nails that are pointing upwards where you will lie upon until the next morning before bringing you out again for your next round of flogging the next morning…”

The Nigerian politician said British hell was a wrong idea.

But when they came to the Nigerian hell, he was surprised to see that a lot of people were lining up to enter that place.

“What is going on in this place?” he asked his guardian devil.

The guardian devil replied, “Here? Anyway, if you choose this Nigerian hell, every morning, the Nigerian devil is supposed to come out by 8a.m. He will tie you to an electric chair so that you will be flogged thoroughly throughout the morning for four good hours. Then he would take you to a bed made of nails that are pointing upwards where you will lie upon until the next morning before bringing you out again for your next round of flogging the next morning…”

“Same thing everywhere!” the politician exclaimed. “Please tell me the whole truth. Tell me something I am missing here. What is so special about this one that all of them are struggling to get into this one?”

The guardian devil cleared his fire roasted throat and said, “You see, this is a very top secret and only the people who paid for it are getting it but don’t worry I will still tell you since I like you.”

“In this Nigerian hell you are looking at, you know, like I earlier said the Nigerian devil is supposed to come out by 8a.m to give you some flogging but the truth is that he never turns up early. He is always late and if eventually he does come, he simply signs the register and away he goes without even flogging anybody. He doesn’t have time for that. Don’t blame him; he was a Nigerian civil servant back in his days on earth…”

“And that electric chair I told you about? Forget it because it doesn’t shock since there is no electricity. If you can still remember, there is hardly steady electric power supply in Nigeria and the same thing goes here. So those chairs you are looking at are actually very comfortable chairs…”

“And coming to that nail covered bed, there are no nails there. The Nigerian contractor who was supposed to supply the nails for the beds just took the money but didn’t supply anything. So those beds are some of the finest and softest and most comfortable beds you can ever get in this hell…”

“Book me in, immediately!” the corrupt Nigerian politician forcefully demanded.

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