The real reason why King Solomon is the Wisest Man

I guess you must have heard someone say something like “as wise as Solomon” huh? But come to think of it, don’t you think like I sometimes do, that King Solomon’s widely acclaimed wisdom is quite overrated?

You see, in essence, becoming a wise person is no big deal. Just some ability to make the right judgment call at the right time might just be enough for anyone to be called wise. So in a way, anybody could have done what he did!

But as you will later see from this unfolding story I am about to tell you, King Solomon’s brand of wisdom was quite remarkable for a particular reason and I tell you, it is not what you think!

First, let’s start from the beginning. The story had it that there were two women who lived in the same house and both of them had a child each. One night, one of the women (OK, let’s call her B after all B is for Bitch) woke up from a very deep sleep and discovered that her child was dead.

B quickly exchanged the babies by placing her dead child just beside the sleeping woman. She made sure the dead child still looked alive by placing its small head in a pillow and covering the dead babe with a small warm blanket and then she quietly went back to sleep once more.

Don’t ask me how I knew all that; just keep on reading...OK? Thank you.

So in the morning when B’s neighbor woke up, she discovered the dead child and without wasting anytime, she raised an alarm to alert the whole neighborhood on the shady reshuffling job which she knew must have taken place while she was sleeping.

People gathered and tried to separate them from the serious fight that resulted from their quarrel. These people could not make any head or tail of what the two fighting women were saying because they were shouting at each other and even after they were separated, they continued to shout on top of their voices while slinging and trading obscene and abusive words back and forth to each other making it impossible for anybody to understand them or what they were saying.

But that was not the only reason why the people gathered were confused. You see, these two women were stunningly beautiful with awesome shapely bodies that their mamas gave them and in the course of their fighting, they’ve also managed to tear each other’s clothes thereby exposing some flesh for the viewing delight of so many of the ogling guys there thus making it practically impossible for any of those randy men to concentrate on any of their seemingly contradictory tales because of that very surprising, delightful and exciting early morning distraction! Some of those guys that gathered even tried to prevent those who wanted to stop the fight by separating the two women from doing so. Do you blame them? They just wanted the free show to continue!

Anyway, what was supposed to be a very simple problem with an equally straightforward solution was beginning to turn into something else. So, one of the guys (who couldn’t take it no more) suggested that they should better go and see the king for the king to settle the matter once and for all.

And that was exactly what they all did. They all marched straight to the king’s palace. King Solomon, who was yet to receive from God the wisdom he humbly prayed for just the other night, soon became confused just like the others.

You don’t need me to tell you that these two stunning beauties with their exposed flesh and cleavages quickly got into his head too although I guess you already know that after all was it not later revealed that he had a big reputation plus a very healthy appetite for such things? But then, I guess, that’s just by the way. All you need to know for now is that he too didn’t just know what to do.

Then all of a sudden, he had this inspiring idea and he immediately ordered that the baby should be divided into two at once so that each woman will take half body part.

It was music to B’s ears and she quickly assented to it at once!

Damn it! Now, you see what I was telling you when I said he was not yet wise? Tell me the truth, is that the type of wisdom you would expect from someone who even prayed to God for wisdom just last night?!

The king nodded to his butcher-bodyguards and they stepped forward and proceeded to make use of their always razor-sharp machetes to hack the innocent baby into two equal parts.

But the other woman broke down into tears and simply pleaded with the king to give the child to B rather than hacking it into two because according to her when the baby grows up, it will surely recognize its real mother.

Now, that’s what I call wisdom!

The conviction in her speech made the king to think twice again. He immediately saw the point in the point she raised (while fighting so hard to ignore the points in her pointed breasts which were also pointing at him) and immediately ordered his soldiers to stand down at once and give the child to B’s neighbor because it was really hers!

They gave back the baby to B’s neighbor and she happily left the scene to give thanks and praises to God for saving her child.

And as for B?

Well, the king signaled his bodyguard by nodding his head and they understood what he meant at once. Immediately, in the presence of everybody that gathered, they roughly grabbed hold of B by the neck and wheeled her away to give her the thrashing and beating of her life!

You should have seen what they did to this poor woman B and the type of severe beating those thugs gave her.

The news of how those thugs manhandled her, the flogging, the thrashing, the slaps and the headbutting plus so many other terrible and unmentionable inhumanly things they did to her spread fast across the whole of Israel and with time, to the rest of world.

Which is why even to this day, no one has ever tried pulling that type of stunt again and we so much owe and will always have to thank King Solomon for that!

And so, that was how King Solomon became the wisest king ever.

I told you it’s not what you think, didn’t I?


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